Monday, November 30, 2009

Almost a month

Has it really been almost a month?

Seems hard to believe. The weight is down some, but not much. I'm amazed it's down at all since I haven't really been doing anything - not really eating right, not exercising, nothing.

Hopefully that will change, but I can't make any promises. I've been pretty down lately and I'm desperately clawing my way back up, or at least trying to.

Thursday, November 5, 2009


So my good friend Holly said that she DID want to see pictures and that she DOES read, she just can't comment from her phone.

So here's some pictures!

This was dinner last night - an Arnold's Sandwich thin with Spicy Three Pepper hummus, melted mild cheddar, black forest ham, and portabella mushrooms, radishes, carrots, Wheat Thins Fiber selects, and....

Soup! Healthy Choice Country Vegetable to be precise.

All washed down with a class of cranberry pomegrante juice

Breakfast this morning was a good ol' standby - cereal!

Sorry the photo is so dark! I am definitely not a photographer. This was Barbara's Bakery brand Shredded Oats (vanilla and almond flavor) with a banana and some raspberries and a sprinkle of Splenda for good measure.

There probably won't be pictures of lunch since I'm eating out and I don't want to be known as "The Weird Girl Who Takes Pictures of Her Food" - especially since I live in a town of less than 1,000 people!

Wednesday, November 4, 2009


So all that stuff that I said was going to happen yesterday? So did not happen. I feel like a failure. A failure at tracking what I eat, a failure at taking pictures of what I eat, a failure at trying to be more active. I have SO many great plans for myself but they never happen. Why? Why am I not making myself and my health a priority? Why am I saying "It's okay, I'll just have *insert junk food here* for dinner," instead of cooking myself (and Mike when he's home) a healthy nutritious meal? I really admire those people who seem to have it all together. They are amazing at their jobs, then come home and cook amazing food and exercise, and keep their house neat.

I used to think that putting this stuff in writing would keep me accountable, but it's not. Because no one is reading this (or at least, if they are, they aren't leaving comments) so I'm just putting it out there for WHOEVER to read. I have zero accountability. My husband loves me just the way I am, so he's not pushing for me to lose this weight, even though I'm not healthy right now.

I feel like I need a kick in the pants or this is never going to happen.

Tuesday, November 3, 2009


So I gained a pound this last week. I'm not terribly surprised. I wasn't tracking, wasn't watching portions, wasn't really doing ANYTHING.

But I've kicked this week off right! And I'll have pictures of my food soon to show you! And then I'm going grocery shopping and walking this evening. Hopefully I stay feeling a little better today. Yesterday I was congested and coughing and just felt icky. So far I feel alright though.

I've had a busy morning, meetings, working on reports.

And of course, in typical "me" fashion, I slept in later than I should have. I screeched out of bed at 8:23 this morning, and I had a meeting at nine. Thankfully I'm such an old hand at this that I was ready to head out the door at 8:46. Of course, I paused to eat a quick breakfast, but I still made my meeting on-time (maybe a few minutes late).

Today is going to be a good day, I can feel it.

Monday, November 2, 2009


Hello? Motivation? Where are you? Please come back. I miss you!

This week was...not good, eating wise. I just can't seem to get my groove back. And the fact that Mike doesn't really eat too healthy doesn't help. I love him, but there isn't always that support at home that I need. Not that the thinks badly of what I'm doing or anything, it's just hard to eat healthy when you're the only one doing it, ya know? Plus I am COMPLETELY salad-ed out. If I never even LOOK at another salad as long as I live I'll be fine.

Why is this so hard? I know what to do, why don't I just do it?

Starting tomorrow there will be pictures. I'm going to have to be a food blogger if I'm ever going to be held accountable. Just gonna have to. And I'm hopefully going to get in a nice walk tonight. And I need to start doing my hip exercises. I think my problem is I'm feeling overwhelmed. Eat healthy, walk a mile a day, do my hip exercises, it's all too much. But I can't put any of this off any longer. I really really can't. With my family history, by living and eating the way I am, I'm playing with fire. I'm setting myself up for a heart attack at a young age just like my Mom. And I will NOT do that to the people I care about - put them through that worry and fear.

The cycle ends with me.

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

Do over!

So, I've reset my ticker because I am starting over.

I haven't been to a Weight Watchers meeting in almost a month. So I joined WW online today. I've done it in the past and it's MUCH easier for me to keep track if I do it online. So my weight kind of "restarted" because it wouldn't be fair to count first-thing-in-the-morning naked weight versus having-eaten-all-day fully clothed weight.

And you'll see my goal has changed a little.

I would really really like to see the 120s, just once, even if I can't maintain it. Ultimately I think I'm going to settle around 135, most likely, but just once I'd like to see 129, so I decided to make that my goal. It's well within the healthy range for my height, but of course I'll re-evaluate all along the way to see how I look and feel.

So what prompted this? I did laundry last night and the simple act of carrying a small basket of laundry up the stairs left me wheezing and gasping for air. THAT HAS GOT TO STOP. I need to get into better shape. I had planned on walking to work today, but in typical me fashion, I overslept. I am going to go on a nice long walk this evening after work though. Nice and slow to protect my hip. Which I never mentioned, but my hip is getting worse. Because I haven't been doing the work. No walking, no stretching, and my chiro's office shut down. So I'm going to have to DO THE WORK for this to happen. And I hate that. I really do. I was naturally thin for so long because I was super active, had a lightning fast metabolism, and was a picky eater. Then I realized that food was really good and stopped doing so many extracurriculars and BOOM - the weight came on. I'm pretty sure that the summer between my sophomore and junior years of high school I gained at least 30 pounds.

Hopefully tracking online will motivate me to keep up with it better. Here's hoping!

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

Putting it all out there

The last month or so has been a complete and total trainwreck for me. I've regained about 1/4 of all the weight I lost. I have had no desire to do anything good for myself.


Today is the official start of OPERATION: DO IT.

I'll let you guys in on a couple secrets (hence the putting it all out there).

I suffer from a condition known as endometriosis. This was found during a surgery I had last year to remove a cyst (that turned out to be caused by the endometriosis). I consider myself VERY lucky that I don't suffer much in the way of pain. However - I have been in constant treatment for this disease for the last year. Today marks ONE MONTH of treatment left. I have ONE MORE MONTH and then I get to live somewhat normally. Now, treatment isn't horrific or anything, I'm just relieved to be almost done!

I also suffer from a much more well known condition - depression. It gets a lot worse around this time of year with the change in the weather. This is part of the reason that I have had ZERO motivation lately. I feel drained of all my energy almost all the time as it is, so it's so hard to find the energy to do the right thing for myself.

I am BACK ON THE WAGON as far as Weight Watchers goes and I'm going to start a Seinfeldian Chain as far as working out is concerned today. I am going to walk a mile every day. And I'm going to mark it on my calendar and try really hard not to let the chain break.

I have felt more capable and in control the last couple of weeks than I have since Summer probably.

And sometime soon I am either going to get a small point and shoot camera or I'm going to start carrying the Power Shot with me and photographing my food.

Hooray for motivation!

Monday, October 12, 2009

A month?

So it's been about a month.


I think that best sums it up.

I've gained back a little of the weight and have had absolutely no motivation to eat healthy or move in the last month.

I could give a list of excuses, but the fact is, I've just plain out lost my motivation. And I don't know how to get it back.

Monday, September 14, 2009


So I haven't been posting here much. Mainly because I'm not really seeing the point. I have another (more private) blog that I keep that I've been writing in for almost 7 years. It's hard for me to remember this one sometimes. And there doesn't seem to be a lot of interest in this one either.

As far as health, I have been horribly slacking on my walking and my hip exercises. I came down with a nasty sinus infection and everything has fallen by the wayside. Not to mention that I am insanely busy this week with hell week for the play.

I am really going to try.

I lost .6 pounds at my last weigh-in.

I'm not sure what this week's weigh-in will be like. I was sick and ate pretty much whatever I wanted this week, but I also had a bit of tummy trouble which...ahem...flushed me out pretty good. I'm expecting a maintain or a slight gain.

I do know one thing though - I'll be very glad when this play is over and I can get my evenings back.

Monday, September 7, 2009

A new experience

This weekend I had a totally new experience.

I went grocery shopping and nearly all of what I got was organic.

I know this may sound REALLY strange to some of you - especially considering you shop and eat organically as much as possible.

I live in a teeny tiny little town in rural WV, so "organic" isn't really something that's largely available around here. But Mike and I went to Harrisonburg and decided that we would shop at Martin's which has a two aisle organic section (which also probably sounds strange to you).

See, the nearest Whole Foods is 2 hours away, and Trader Joe's? Well they only exist in California (KIDDING!)

But Mike and I had a blast getting organic food. It was pricey and there was some stuff that I really wanted to try that I just had to say no to because of the price.

Honestly though, I think I'm just excited to have food in the house. This was the first time we'd grocery shopped in probably three weeks or longer.

I had a DELICIOUS breakfast of Oikos Organic Greek Yogurt (in strawberry) and Bear Naked Granola in Triple Berry Crunch.

I think the thing I like the most about organic food is I can pronounce all the ingredients.

And I think Mike likes it, too. On the way home from the store (it's an hour away) he was talking about how we needed to get a cooler before we go next time. His only complaint? The organic vanilla yogurt we got is more sour than the Dannon Lite vanilla yogurt we used to get. I think he'll survive though ;)

Wednesday, September 2, 2009

Well sassafras.

I lost .2 pounds this past week. I feel disappointed. But mostly in myself. Because the words "Oreo Brownie" and "apple dumpling" may have occurred. But you know what? I think .2 is pretty good for as HORRIBLE as I ate last week. I seriously just could not bring myself to put healthy food in me.

Although I did bring myself to get a GOOD pair of chiropractor recommended shoes:These puppies are on my feet most days. And when they aren't, a pair of good, sensible Dr. Scholl's are. I'm not taking any chances on this hip o' mine. Despite the fact that I've horribly slacked on my hip exercises. I'm always "too tired" or "I don't feel like it". SERIOUSLY SELF? These exercises take like 10 minutes to do and I'm wussing out on them? However, my goal for the month of September is to NOT MISS A SINGLE DAY OF HIP EXERCISES.

Another thing my chiro wants to me to start doing to help rehab my hip is walking. It was originally a mile every other day but he recently bumped me up to a mile a day. I walked last night and I'm a little ashamed to admit that it took me half an hour to walk a mile. But then I remembered - I'm not training for a race (yet), I'm rehabbing my hip. Better to be slow, steady, and sure of my steps than to fall down and reinjure myself. In fact, today was the first day my hip has hurt in a while. I'm not having "episodes", it just aches. I think it might be the cold weather setting in.

One more thing I picked up in addition to the snazzy new shoes was a pedometer. Just a cheapy little $5 one from Wal-Mart, but it tells me that from my house to the speed limit sign near the high school and back is 1.11 miles so that's the route I'm walking.

I was also recently informed by Mike that my small little point and shoot camera WAS NOT SOLD as I had previously thought, so if it still works I may venture into the world of being a food blogger!

Wednesday, August 26, 2009

4th weigh in

So I'm down another .6 of a pound. Which would have depressed me, except I heartily enjoyed myself this weekend at Kat's wedding so I'm completely amazed! I was expecting a maintain or slight gain, so the fact that I still lost is AWESOME!

Thursday, August 20, 2009

3rd weigh in

I had my fourth weigh-in overall and my third weigh-in actually on program on Tuesday.

I lost 4.4 pounds in a week!

Now, I know some are thinking that that isn't healthy and I would agree that if I was continuously losing that much weight every week it would be cause for alarm. However, that loss followed a 1.2 pound gain and also my time of the month which means that it was likely all water weight. I have really been chugging the h20 lately.

This week has been SUPER busy for me. Work has been a little nutso because of an upcoming festival. I had Treasure Mountain Festival Assoc on Monday that I ended up skipping because I was sick. Then Tuesday I had my WW meeting. Last night was play practice, tonight it's home after work for a quick nail appointment then another round of play practice, then I'm leaving around 2pm tomorrow for Kat's wedding! Whew! As much as I like being involved in community theater, I'll be really glad when Christmas Belles is over - I don't like being this busy. Although maybe I will grow to love it?

I can't remember if I've mentioned it or not, but I've started to see a chiropractor for my hip/back trouble. Things are going swimmingly there and my hip feels SO much better already. I saw him yesterday and he gave me exercises to do to help strengthen my hip and my core which he said will speed up my healing. I never thought I would say this, but I can't wait until I get cleared for regular exercise again. I really want to get into the habit of taking walks and eventually start running. But before I do any of that, I need good shoes. Even the chiro thinks that some of my hip/back pain may be a result of improper support from my shoes! And I'm not going to lie - since hurting myself I'm scared to walk.

I'm honestly starting to feel so much better about myself overall - I've noticed that my skin problems don't bother me as much as they used to - really none of the flaws that I used to zero in on bother me as much as they used to. I'm thinking it's a combo of the weight I've lost and the fact that I'm just genuinely making steps towards taking care of myself.

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

And so I have not updated in over 3 weeks. I hate it, but I kinda feel like there is no point. I'm doing my thing on Weight Watchers, tracking my points, etc. If I had a slim little purse size point and shoot camera I'd do pictures of everything I ate, but I don't. I have a Canon Powershot that I really don't feel like lugging with me everywhere. And I just don't feel like doing food logs. I've done them in the past and... I don't know... I feel like they just aren't very interesting on their own. I will admit, I have been kinda pushing Mike for a nice little point and shoot camera for me. Although he talks about selling the Powershot if we do that, and that Powershot was his first baby, I'd hate to feel responsible for him getting rid of it. I do have a camera on my cell phone, but it's not very good quality.

As far as WW goes, I lost 2 pounds my first week then gained 1.2 pounds the second week, so I am only down .8 overall. Although I have a feeling tonight's weigh-in will be very good because I've been tracking EVERYTHING this week and I haven't been overly restrictive.

Wednesday, July 29, 2009

And so it goes

So, you've probably noticed that there have been no updates for a while (if anyone is even still reading this).

Things have just kinda been moving along slowly.

I took a positive step and rejoined Weight Watchers last night. It's the only thing that's ever worked for me in the past, and I really need the help. So I changed my ticker to my starting WW weight and I'll be updating it on Tuesday evenings/Wednesday mornings. I understand the clothed-end-of-day weight for WW will be higher than my first morning naked weigh in I usually do, but I'm okay with that.

I also lowered my goal a little bit. We'll see how things shape up when I get there.

Hope you're all doing well!

Monday, July 20, 2009

Journey Down the Sidewalk of Weight loss

I don't know if any of you are familiar with this "Autobiography in Five Chapters", but I think it really describes my struggles with losing weight well.

Chapter One
I walk down the street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I fall in.
I am lost....I am helpless.
It isn't my fault.
It takes forever to find a way out.

Chapter Two
I walk down the street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I pretend that I don't see it.
I fall in again.
I can't believe I am in this same place.
But, it isn't my fault.
It still takes a long time to get out.

Chapter Three
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I see it is there.
I still fall's a habit...but, my eyes are open.
I know where I am.
It is my fault.
I get out immediately.

Chapter Four
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk
I walk around it.

Chapter Five
I walk down another street.

I think I'm stuck somewhere around chapter three. I keep falling into the same bad holes. I see them, but I'm just so used to them. I know it's my fault, and (if the mood strikes me) I get out immediately. I'm looking forward to moving on to chapter four.

I had a breakthrough realization this weekend. I have been punishing my body because it's not working the way I want it to. After this realization, I said to myself (almost out loud) HOW CAN YOU EXPECT YOUR BODY TO WORK THE WAY YOU WANT IT TO IF YOU'RE NOT TREATING IT RIGHT?! You can't expect a high performance machine to operate at its best if you don't fuel it right, can you?

I think maybe I need to focus less on weight and more on how I feel. Or maybe only weigh myself once a month or so. I tend to get hyper-focused on numbers, which is why Weight Watchers was successful for me the first time I tried it, IT'S ALL NUMBERS! But I tend to obsess a little if I'm not careful, so I think I'm going to back off a little. Maybe even on low-glycemic, just focus on eating healthier, even if it isn't the perfect low GI meal. Plus I think I'll feel a lot less guilty just eating better rather than eating low GI - it's so easy to slip with that type of eating. I feel like if I allow myself more stuff that's "not allowed" I'll be happier over all.

Because, as much as I'd like to lose 30 pounds, it ultimately boils down to being healthy. Being able to exercise without injuring myself, being able to go up and down stairs without feeling winded. Just being happier in my own skin.

Saturday, July 18, 2009


So I'm up another .4 pounds. I am not surprised. I sabotaged myself pretty hard yesterday. I was having one of those days where it just seems like everything that could go wrong did and I was overwhelmed with just LIFE in general and I ate two candy bars and a really carb heavy, salty dinner.

Part of me really wants to throw in the towel. I'm having a hard time with some other stuff, I can't seem to exercise without injuring myself, etc. etc.

But I'm getting ready to make a nice healthy breakfast, and maybe try a different pair of shoes and go for a short walk.

I can't let myself keep getting so discouraged, if I do this weight will NEVER come off. I have work out DVDs and I have the whole great outdoors to walk in. I CAN DO THIS!

Thursday, July 16, 2009


So remember that walk that I talked about yesterday? I was telling Mike about my walk last night, and described the route to him and asked him how far he thought I had walked. He guessed two miles and I was like "WHAT?! Shut up, there's no way that I walked two miles!" So today after work I drove the route and SON OF A GUN I WALKED TWO MILES!

I also discovered why you should not go from sedentary couch potato to two miles in bad shoes all at once. I've thrown my hip out. Yes, my hip is all weird. I'm not sure how or why but I do that when I went to go down the stairs at my office there was a shooting pain in my hip followed by a feeling of numbness down my whole leg and I almost fell. Then it happened again a few steps later. I seem to be fine on flat surface (other than a dull ache) but stairs practically kill me. There's sharp shooting pain when I climb stairs, and the shooting pain/numbness/almost falling going down. I'm not sure what to do about this. I've never had a "sports" injury. I'm a natural born klutz so I'm more likely to hurt myself cleaning the bathroom than getting a legitimate injury from activity. Obviously I am not walking tonight, and probably won't really walk very far again until I get decent shoes. What else can I do? I've taken some Aleve for the pain, but it still feels a little like my hip is out place. Help?

You're not my mother, Rod

I have a fat head. Yes, you heard me right, I have a fat head. I realized this a few minutes ago when I took my glasses off at my desk to tweeze my eyebrows (shh don't tell) and realized that the nose pads have pushed little indents into my face.

I just got these glasses in April and already my head is too fat for them.

HOWEVER - last night I went for a walk/run. I left my house at 7 with my water bottle, keys, and iPod. I walked probably about 1/8 of a mile before I decided I would at least TRY the Couch to 5k podcasts I had on my iPod. For those of you not familiar with Couch to 5k it's supposed to take you from being a couch potato to being able to run a 5k (3.1) miles in 12 weeks. The first day of the first week you walk briskly for 5 minutes, then do eight sets of run 60 seconds, walk 90 seconds. I made it through 3 sets of 60 second runs before I felt like my heart was going to come shooting out of my chest like something out of Aliens. So I slowed my pace and headed back for home. I went down a side street and chatted with a former co-worker for about 20 minutes, then left, with every intention of going home. When lo and behold I spotted walkers in front of me. And I said to myself "You know self, walking another lap isn't going to kill you." And I said "Self, you're right. Since I stopped running I feel less like death by explosion is imminent, so I'll walk a little farther." So I did. All in all I'd say I walked for about 50 minutes - well technically I guess 47 minutes and then I ran for 3 minutes. I also realized that I'm DEFINITELY going to need better shoes before I run, possibly even before I start seriously walking. My ankles were killing me and there's also a place on the side of one of my shoes that's busted out. Oops.

I also realized that showtunes with upbeat melodies make great music for me to walk to. Something about hearing showtunes make me immediately relax and hold myself in better posture. All my theatre training? Possibly. Also, singing along (in my head) is a great way to make the time pass.

As far as eating, I've been doing regretfully. Over eating, eating the wrong things, skipping meals, replacing meals with unhealthy snacks. You name it, I've been doing it. I could make a million excuses, but the fact is - it's bad to do, I know it's bad to do, and I'm doing it anyway. Now if only I could get my Mom to ground me for it, I'd be in good shape.

Monday, July 13, 2009

Fresh (fruit) start

So you see that ticker over there? With my weight? Yeah, it's higher than it was when I started. But that's alright, it's just a minor setback, right? ABSOLUTELY!

We ended up not waking Seneca Rocks this weekend. No one could/would go with me and Mike didn't want me to go by myself. We actually found out late Sunday afternoon that someone had fallen off the rocks and died Saturday. Hopefully next weekend will be less humid and busy and someone can go with me.

I'm really back in the swing of things, I feel. I'm even getting my Mom to eat this way. I made her a low glycemic breakfast and dinner on Saturday to show her how tasty and satisfying eating this way can be.

And speaking of tasty and satisfying, I just had THE MOST delicious breakfast. Two egg omelette with portobella mushrooms, cherry tomatoes, and green peppers and a tiny amount (maybe 1/8 cup) of Italian 5 cheese blend, cottage cheese with some cherry tomatoes in it and a delicious donut peach. I followed it all with a glass of OJ (which is definitely NOT low glycemic) for some vitamin C - I've been feeling a little sniffly. Lunch is going to be a yummy salad and then dinner is going to be baked chicken, veggies, and probably some strawberries. YUM! What a happy Monday for me!

Friday, July 10, 2009

Hot stuff

So I'm not doing so great. My weight is slowly creeping back up to higher than it was before I started low GI eating.

But, I am not losing my determination.

I just need to get better about putting my foot down. About saying, "No, I can't have this right now." I am my own worst enemy. I Love (with a capital L) food. Obviously. I didn't get to be this size by hating food. I am Lazy (also, with a capital L). Obviously, I didn't get to be this size by loving to move my body.

I was reading through some old journal entries from around the time that Mike and I got married. Most of you probably don't know, but my Mom had her second heart attack four months before we got married. I was reading over those entries and remembering being so scared that my Mom was going to die.

I refuse to do that to my loved ones. I will lose this weight and get healthy. Looking at my family history, it's really all I can do. There is high blood pressure, high cholesterol, heart problems, diabetes, you name it. And I can already see and feel the effects. Sometimes I get so winded that I have to gasp for air. Sometimes my chest hurts SO bad I feel like my heart is going to come shooting right out of it.

Also, a funny thing from reading those entries - I was pretty much at what my goal weight now is and still focused on losing weight. I thought I was too big. Heh, if only I could have looked into the future and seen that I would gain 30 pounds!

So tomorrow is my walk up Seneca Rocks - although I may reschedule it for Sunday since Mike said he won't go with me Saturday. Heck, maybe I'll do it both days! Okay, okay, I know THAT'S a bit of a stretch. I'm just so tired of being inactive and feeling so "bleh" all the time that I want to change everything right nownownow. But I have to realize that I am not going to go from being a size 16 to a size 8 overnight. I surely didn't go from an 8 to a 16 overnight, either!

Remember that delicious lunch I said I was going to have yesterday? Well it ended up getting pushed to dinner (again, I have trouble saying no) and it was just as delicious as I predicted. I didn't get any pictures, but let me tell you what I had.

I had a HUGE salad, so big I couldn't even finish it all. I had a handful of Dole's Field Greens mix, a couple handfuls of their Sassy Baby Blend, to that I added about half of a medium cucumber, 1/4 green bell pepper, and half a stalk of celery. I set the other half of the cucumber, the other 1/4 of the green pepper and the other half a stalk of celery on a plate and had those outside of the salad. I also added about three slices of portobella mushrooms and about 3 oz imitation crab meat. Then I added extras. I love extras on salads. I put a dash of pepper on, some Salad Supreme seasoning, a dash of bacon bits, a generous sprinkle of sesame seeds, and some Old Bay. Then I topped it off with Ginger Mango Vinaigrette salad dressing, just a tablespoon or so, and shook it all up until it was mixed up good. OH MY GOODNESS delicious. I'll likely have the same for dinner this evening. I love crab meat (especially imitation) in salads. It just adds a little extra "Oomph" to the salad. Same with portobella mushrooms.

So, the plans are:

Increase water intake
Increase activity
Increase food awareness

Maybe I'll go next door and get a big bottle of water. That sounds like just the ticket right now.

Thursday, July 9, 2009

Uh oh

So I haven't updated in almost a week. Can you guess why? That's right, I've fallen off the wagon and big time. And for me at least, it's easy to snowball out of control.

I come up with excuse after excuse as to why I just can't right now, yet still complain about the extra weight. What's up with that?

So, today it ends. I walked to work this morning. I'm going to walk home this evening. I'll walk to work tomorrow morning.

I was bad and skipped breakfast this morning (lack of time and just generally not feeling hungry) but I'm going to have an AWESOME CRAZY DELICIOUS lunch, which I may even post pictures of if I remember to take them. I'm going to have an awesome healthy dinner.

I'm going to yoga on Sunday.

And Saturday. I'm walking up this:

That's right. I'm going to walk to the observation deck on Seneca Rocks. I've done it once before when I was about 20-25 pounds lighter and in way better shape, but dagnabbit, I just really want to go up Seneca Rocks again. And they're getting ready to shut down the West Trail for almost a year, so I want to get it in while I can. I would LOVE to have company for this walk, but if no one can/will go with me, I'll just charge up my iPod and go!

See, this is what is weird about me, despite the fact that 9 times out of 10 I am a very solitary person who very much enjoys being alone, there are certain things that I really like to have company for and walking is one of them. I'm less likely to wimp out if I'm walking with someone.

I know it's going to be hard. But I also know that the view from the top is AMAZING and so so worth it. It's a very easy trail (in terms of incline) it's just LONG!

So there we have it. Walking to work for the next LONG while, walking Seneca Rocks Saturday and yoga Sunday. Hooray for getting off my big ol' tush.

Friday, July 3, 2009

Best laid plans

So I was planning on coming on here this morning and being like "You're gonna be so proud! I got up at 6:15, walked for half an hour and did Tae-Bo!" Instead, I slept in until 8:30 and still didn't want to get out of bed.

My sleep schedule is ALL out of whack. I feel really REALLY ready-to-go-to-bed tired around 6pm. But that's way too early to go to bed. But by 9pm, which is a more acceptable time to go to bed, I've hit my second wind and I'm wide awake.

Oh, and I never did grocery shop this week. Oops. Lots of good fresh foods for next week though.

One week (or a couple of weeks) does not determine my success/failure as a whole. Whether or not I ever lose this weight, I am still a wonderful person of worth.

Wednesday, July 1, 2009


This week has been AWFUL for me.

I have been backsliding left and right.

I'm tired. I'm moody. And I just don't wanna.

So instead of beating myself up over it, I'm gonna let myself have a week to feel bad and wallow in the stress and pressure I'm feeling this week at work and life in general. Then I'm going to GET OVER IT and GET BACK to being kinder to myself.

The world will not stop spinning if I don't lose any weight this week. The world will not stop spinning if I gain weight this week.

All I know is I need to be kind to me, and if that occasionally means allowing for a pity party, so be it.

Monday, June 29, 2009

Back to backer

So now that we've got the unpleasantness and the "poor me"-ness out of the way...

I want to start exercising.

Well, not so much want, as need. I need to get in better physical shape. I almost (almost) bought running shoes this weekend, but I knew my husband would blow a fuse if I got running shoes since, well, I don't run. But I know I'm not really going to be able to start running until I have good shoes. Mostly because I'm ridiculously flat-footed so I need good, stabilizing shoes. Plus I have pretty persistent pain in my knees and back anyway and I definitely don't want to run in the wrong shoes and aggravate that!

So I'm going to start with walking. And I hope that if, over a period of time, I can prove to my husband that I'm serious about going on walks, he'll okay the purchase of running shoes. I didn't want to just GET them, and I couldn't check with him because he was at work, and they were EXPENSIVE (okay, well they were expensive for our budget, especially considering all the mostly necessary purchases we've made lately), and again, I don't run. It'd be like going out and buying a canoe! I don't canoe!

So I think I'm going to go on a walk tonight. I'd LOVE to be one of those people that gets up early and works out, and who knows, maybe someday I will be! But right now, I'm the one dragging myself, bleary-eyed and groaning, out of bed about half an hour before I need to be at work and getting there JUUUUST in time.

I think maybe I need a dog to take on walks.


So things really aren't getting a lot better on my front. I've been slacking and backsliding like crazy. Hopefully it ends today when I can grocery shop for good healthy foods and won't feel so much like I have to rely on the crummy-for-me food I have been eating.

Although, to my credit, most of the time I've been trying to eat "better" when I can't do low-glycemic. Trying not to just throw caution to the wind and eat whatever, but to eat smaller portions and pick the healthiest foods I can.

Also, the weigh-in? 171.8. Not what I was hoping for, but certainly nothing to be upset about.

What is disappointing? The slice of mochachino cake and six oreos I had with lunch. Tonight is going to be chicken, broccoli, corn on the cob, and maybe some whole wheat pasta. Good, healthy dinner! And then tomorrow I will have veggies so I can have veggies and hard boiled eggs and applesauce.

I've gotten off path a little, but I'm not going to let that throw me completely!

Friday, June 26, 2009


There's a lot of stuff inside this crazy noggin' of mine, but most of it is jumbled up all crazily.

I will just say - this past week I did not prepare myself properly for how busy I was going to be and my eating SUFFERED MIGHTILY for it. However, I'm going to hang myself from the tree of martyrdom just yet. I'm going to fess up. There's been ice cream. And cookies. And potato chips. And burritos. There's also been healthy foods that haven't been low-glycemic, like light vanilla yogurt, grape nuts, and whole wheat toast. What has been sorely lacking are my veggies. I didn't go to the Farmer's Market last week so I had no raw veggies that I could cut up and eat with breakfast. And all my spinach went bad. And I was on the moon, with Steve.

Excuses, excuses.

But, the way I see it, even the most healthy eater ever of all time, slips. They have a stressful week and they just want to be ear deep in a pint of ice cream. And slipping and having not the best week doesn't make me a failure or a bad person. It just makes me someone who slipped. Who has to work harder next week.

I've decided to make Saturday my weigh in day. And since I typically don't bring my computer home on the weekends, I'll have to see if I can steal Mike's to update. I chose Saturday because the "special event" that I shouldn't be losing weight for but am hoping to be slimmed down by is on Saturday. In fact, it's eight weeks from tomorrow. And I'm hoping that when I weigh in tomorrow I'll only show about 8 pounds left to lose.

Speaking of that special event - I received my bridesmaid dress on Wednesday. It's gorgeous. And it kinda fits. Well, actually to be honest I need to have it taken in a little, but that's always the case with any dress that I get, because I have to order a size (or so) larger because of my bust and then have it taken in at my waist. But this time I can tell it doesn't need taken in a whole lot. And I could hem and haw about the size and how I don't want to tell you because I'm embarassed, but I'm just going to put it out there. Hey, this blog is about honesty right? It's a size 16. Which is up from my size 14 wedding dress. And my size 12 bridesmaid's dress for a friend's wedding the year before. Which is way up from the size 8 I wore when I went to my very first high school prom in 1998.

Truth is, if you saw any of these pictures you probably wouldn't go "OH WOW SHE'S FAT!" In honesty, I usually have trouble convincing people I weigh as much as I do because I'm well proportioned (despite being short) and I carry my weight well. But all looks aside, they don't feel the horrible pain in my hip when I walk too long. They don't get the chest crushing difficulty to breathe just from climbing a flight of stairs. And, well, they just don't live in my body.

Now I know some people are out there going "Well, if you're that out of shape, you need to work out." I'm getting to that point. Slowly. But right now, I'm carrying enough extra weight that I really have a hard time doing any physical activity. I'm hoping to start some nice easy walks soon and hopefully once I've shed enough to stop my joints from feeling like they wanted to die/kill me, I'll add in some tougher exercises. I used to Tae-Bo like a pro and I'm looking forward to getting back into that. I've had a doctor tell me that the best thing I can do to help weightloss (aside from eating something, even if it's small, within 30 minutes of waking up) is to do exercises that really make me sweat. This is mostly because my metabolism has pretty much bottomed out from being hypothyroid. I'm medicated for it now, but my body has gotten used to this nice, slow, and easy metabolism.

So to sum it up: this week didn't go well for me, but I plan on doing better next week.

Wednesday, June 24, 2009

I'm still here!

I bet you all probably thought I dropped off the face of the earth! Truth is, with Steel Magnolias and work things have just been kinda crazy these past few days. And sadly as a result my eating has suffered, and majorly. I blame it all on a lack of planning on my part. I knew I was going to be this busy but didn't take a single measure to ensure that I'd still have good healthy foods to eat. But that stops today. I'm going to have a good lunch, make a good dinner, and while I'm in the kitchen I'm going to go ahead and get some stuff prepared for the rest of the week.

Hope you're all doing well out there!

Friday, June 19, 2009


So lunch today wasn't so good. A local business is having customer appreciation day with free hot dogs, drinks, chips, etc.

But I think I showed restraint in that I only had one hot dog and one small bag of chips when normally it would have been at least 2, maybe 3 hot dogs, a couple of bags of chips, maybe 2 cans of pop.

And let's not even talk about the Krispy Kreme's they had there. I just stayed away from them all together. Doughnuts = definitely a trigger food.

I've realized I can do my trigger foods if I'm literally eating the last of whatever it is or if it's a drink there are no refills. Because I am cheap and lazy. I will not GO somewhere to buy another candy bar/ice cream cone/etc. I will not PAY for more coffee drink/milkshake/etc.

Which is why I didn't have cake last night. Because there was still half a cake left. No thanks. It's why I march past the doughnut case at Sheetz. Because it used to be when I got doughnuts from Sheetz it was 4 doughnuts and big container of chocolate milk.

Now if someone brought me A SINGLE doughnut, that'd be fine. I wouldn't have options for more. Well, I would, but then we go back to the cheap and lazy thing.

I'm considering lunch my treat food for the day and getting right back to it with a chef salad for dinner tonight.

Speaking of tonight - it's opening night for Steel Magnolias. So if you're reading this and you're local to me, come on out and see it! I play Shelby (the Julia Roberts character in the movie) and I gotta tell you, this play is a hoot! You'll laugh, you'll cry. So come out and support the arts in your area!

Short and not sweet

Huge victory for me.

Last night - I resisted CHOCOLATE CAKE.

Also, I weighed in this morning for a weight loss challenge I'm participating in elsewhere - 171.


Thursday, June 18, 2009

Oh boy

I think today has been the hardest day so far. I woke up this morning just not feeling well and really wanted to lazy out on low GI eating today. By the way, I definitely don't mean that as an insult to any person who "slips" in their chosen way of being healthy, whether that means exercise or healthy eating - I just know that when I do it, it's out of sheer laziness, so I call it lazy out.

So, another slightly embarrassing thing about me - I'm practically an old lady in my sleeping habits. I like to go to bed EARLY. We're talking 9:30/10:00. Well this whole week that's been the time I'm getting out of rehearsal so I have a 40 minute drive after that, then I need about another 45 minutes to unwind before I can go to sleep. This means I have not been getting NEARLY as much sleep as I comfortably need to function well. I like to get at least 8, preferably 9 hours of sleep a night. I blame it on my hypothyroidism.

So, I'm getting maybe 6-7 hours a night (if I'm lucky) and I'm SO exhausted in the mornings. Combine that with just generally not feeling very good this morning (slight yucky stomach) and I just thought, "Man, it'd be so much easier to go out to eat for breakfast and have eggs and toast and bacon and homefries," and then I thought "Man, it'd be even easier to just skip breakfast all together!"

But I didn't! I made my scrambled eggs with spinach, arugula, and portobella mushrooms and I added a little ham and some cheese. And I cut and peeled my cucumber (last one, uh oh!), and I had my big glass of milk.

And then lunch time came. And I went to a local restaurant here with my BFF and office mate Liz. She got a cheeseburger and fries. And I thought "Man does that sound good. And easy." But I got baked tilapia instead. The veggie choices weren't great (in hindsight I realize I should have also got a salad with my meal) so I had green beans and sweet potato casserole. I passed on the bread (which I love) and got water to drink instead of sweet tea (which I also love).

I hope I never give anyone the impression that this is totally a walk in the park for me, because it isn't. IT'S HARD. Every single morning when I wake up I have to rededicate myself to doing this. Because let me tell you what, I LOVE JUNK FOOD. I love FAST FOOD, I love sweets, carbs, pasta, potatoes, white bread, white rice with tons of butter and sugar on it. I don't think these foods are awful and horrible and if you eat them ever ever you should be ashamed of yourself. I think they're like everything - fine in moderation. I just know myself. I know that I don't really know how to say no (wow a lot of no/know in that sentence) to those kinds of foods. They are trigger foods for me and if I start eating them, I won't stop. I'm looking forward to getting to a place where I can have one slice of a pizza instead of the whole thing. Or a small piece of chocolate instead of a couple of candy bars. Where I can start eating fast food again occasionally as a treat without it overtaking everything I've accomplished.

Wednesday, June 17, 2009


So, I've talked a little bit about my weight, and what I'm doing, so I figure it's about time for one about my goals!

I mentioned in the first post that according to BMI 145 is the most I can weigh and have a "healthy" BMI. Well, BMI is kinda crap. I'm the first to admit it. But, I have weighed 145 before and it was a good weight for me - I felt incredible at 145 so I'd really like to get that back. From there I guess I'll see if I feel like I need to lose anymore, but I'm really not sure.

And of course, there are short term goals and long term goals.

Obviously my longest of the long term goals is to get to and maintain a healthy weight. Now I've assigned 145 arbitrarily - simply because I've been there before and it's classified as healthy by BMI. Could I ultimately end up weighing more than this? Sure. Could I also end up getting to this number and wanting to lose another 5 pounds? Absolutely. Ultimately, I just want to be healthy and for me, part of that is getting rid of this extra weight.

My shortest of the short term goals is a little embarassing. I'm afraid that I've gained so much weight in 4 years (about 25 lbs.) that my wedding/engagement ring no longer fit! I'm wearing a fake set right now, simply because I can get it on. Hopefully it won't take TOO much weight lost before my rings start to fit again!

My next short term goal is the one thing that they tell you to AVOID like the plague whenever you're trying to lose weight - a special event. My dear friend and college roommate Kat is getting married towards the end of August and I'd like to slim down a little for her wedding. It's about 10 weeks away and I'd absolutely love it if I could weigh 160 by then. That's a little over a pound a week to lose, which for someone with a normal metabolism would be easy peasy lemon squeezy, but for me is going to be VERY difficult.

It's going to require A LOT of discipline, which I honestly think I have been showing - even though I'm only on my fourth day. I've resisted pizza right in front of my face. I also resisted hot dogs at lunch today and the urge to lazy out and just make a PB&J. Instead I had a salad of field greens, spinach and arugula with some chopped ham and ginger mango salad dressing and a "ham roll up" - a thick slice of ham with mustard and a dill pickle and for my low-glycemic starch, some grapes.

Most of all, since I'm in my final week of rehearsals for Steel Magnolias, I've been doing dinner on the run every night. I've been getting salads from Sheetz, which means I have resisted burgers, fries, pretzels, macaroni and cheese, and most of all, the huge doughnut display. I have, however, had a mocha iced coffee drink from 7-11 two days running as my "treat food". But I'm realizing now that the sugar and caffeine just make me feel like crud, so that's gotta stop.

I know myself, I know my negative attitudes and my food behaviors. If I would have had a PB&J for lunch today I would have ended up saying "Well, I've already messed up today, might as well have something bad for dinner," which would have led to me saying tomorrow "Well, I messed up so bad yesterday, may as well have doughnuts for breakfast!" And that slippery slope would just continue. I'm not saying that I'm never going to have doughnuts or PB&J or any "bad" food ever again - I just know that I've got to myself firmly into this way of eating before I allow myself a treat or it will backfire and blow up on me.

But the best part is - even though I'm eating basically the same food everyday, I'm not bored with it. Mostly because it TASTES SO GOOD. Like my breakfast this morning. A two egg omelette with spinach, arugula, portobella mushrooms, and a little bit of cheese, one small cucumber and a nice, big, COLD glass of milk. DELISH.

For now though, I'm off to finish fundraiser prep at work and maybe grab a little square of dark chocolate (low-glycemic with a glycemic index of just 23).

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Let's get this party started!

Now that we've got all of that "Hi my name is Traci and I'm overweight" stuff out of the way, let's get down to the nitty gritty.

I've always wanted to lose weight.

Ask my husband, I'm sure he'll tell you I've been on countless "diets" - most of which, according to him, only last a day. And sadly he's right. I'll do well for a day, then somewhere in that second day the urge for a candy bar or ice cream or something "bad" rises, I give in, then go "WELL I SCREWED UP, MIGHT AS WELL JUST GIVE UP!"

Well, last Thursday at work I noticed that I was feeling REALLY exhausted after lunch - I've been having problems feeling exhausted lately anyway. So I did a quick google check, and most of what I was finding was pointing towards insulin resistance/sensitivity.

Now, I totally believe this (and panicked a little) because I have polycystic ovary syndrome, commonly known as PCOS, and one thing that's very common in PCOS is insulin resistance. Basically, my body isn't using insulin the way it should and is causing my blood sugar to be high, which could lead to diabetes (my maternal grandfather had diabetes).

I had purchased The Complete Idiot's Guide to Glycemic Index Weight Loss a while ago (it ended up being another one of those things that I did for a day and then gave up) so I decided I would crack it open again. My doctor had recommended low glycemic eating to me about a year ago, and a lot of the women that I know with PCOS recommended it.

This time, instead of just opening the book to the back and getting the glycemic index and glycemic load for food and going, I actually sat down and read the book. It makes a lot of sense.

Glycemic index breaks down carbohydrates into three groups: low, medium, and high. Low-glycemic foods have a glycemic index of 55 or lower, medium is 56-69, and high is anything above 70.

Basically, when we eat high-glycemic foods (really starchy foods that contain enriched white flour, white potatoes, refined grain products) our blood sugar goes up and our insulin levels surge to deal with that. If you constantly eat high-glycemic foods or if you eat a lot in one sitting, your insulin levels increase beyond your body's need. Insulin is what causes your body to store fat. When blood sugar levels surge, insulin converts the excess sugar into fat. By eating low-glycemic food, the blood sugar is kept at a healthy level, which keeps insulin levels low, which stops the body from storing excess energy as fat. Instead the body uses stored fat as fuel and...TA DA! Weight loss!

I'm following the "Keep It Simple" method talked about in the book. Basically, with each meal I have 3-4 ounces of lean animal protein and two to three servings of vegetables. I also include one serving of low-glycemic fruit (most fruit is low-glycemic, watermelon is the exception at 72), dairy, or starches (yams, winter squash, whole wheat pasta al dente), and a little bit (maybe 10% of the total meal) is healthy fat. And they also recommend you have one small serving of a treat food per day. It can be high-glycemic, but the weight comes off faster if it's low. Unfortunately for me, I haven't food a "treat food" that isn't also a "trigger food" for me. I tend to overeat (or eat mindlessly) especially when sweets or starches are involved.

I started on Sunday morning, and I weighed in at 173.6. I'm not going to say it's easy. Because it's not. Especially for someone who is as lazy as me. I'm used to grabbing a yogurt or a thing of Pop-Tarts on my way out the door, having a cheeseburger and fries for lunch, and then half a large pizza for dinner. It's SUCH a change for me to FIX food, especially in the mornings. Sunday morning I had eggs with spinach, arugula, green onions, and green pepper and plain yogurt (which BTW, I think is GUH-ROSS). Monday I had an egg with spinach, arugula, and portobella mushrooms, plus some cottage cheese, celery sticks, half a cucumber and applesauce. This morning I had leftover steak, cucumbers, green peppers, and grapes. Talk about a change!

Also, I had a huge victory last night. My husband and his brother got pizza - one of my favorites, and I didn't have any. I was still full from the chef salad I had earlier.

I must say, I picked probably the worst week of my life to do this (I'm preparing for a fundraiser at work and I'm in tech week for a play I'm doing in Petersburg) and I'm still sticking to it. In fact, I'm getting ready to go to head home for lunch - salad with steak strips in it.

First post

Hello, and welcome.

I decided that I needed a more public place to talk about my weight loss. Mostly because I'm hoping I'll pick up a lot of readers and you guys will help keep me accountable!

The basics of the situation are:

My name is Traci
I am 26
At my height and weight I am almost obese

Now, I know some of you may know me in real life or have seen pictures of me and going "SAY WHAT?" but it's true. At 5'4" and 173.6 pounds, my BMI is 29.8.

30 and above is obese.

A healthy BMI is 18.5-24.9.

145 is the MOST I can weigh and fall into a healthy BMI.

So why title the blog "Nearing my goals" if I'm obviously so far away? Because I'm already on my way. I'm approaching the drop off, where things are going to change.