Wednesday, July 29, 2009

And so it goes

So, you've probably noticed that there have been no updates for a while (if anyone is even still reading this).

Things have just kinda been moving along slowly.

I took a positive step and rejoined Weight Watchers last night. It's the only thing that's ever worked for me in the past, and I really need the help. So I changed my ticker to my starting WW weight and I'll be updating it on Tuesday evenings/Wednesday mornings. I understand the clothed-end-of-day weight for WW will be higher than my first morning naked weigh in I usually do, but I'm okay with that.

I also lowered my goal a little bit. We'll see how things shape up when I get there.

Hope you're all doing well!

Monday, July 20, 2009

Journey Down the Sidewalk of Weight loss

I don't know if any of you are familiar with this "Autobiography in Five Chapters", but I think it really describes my struggles with losing weight well.

Chapter One
I walk down the street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I fall in.
I am lost....I am helpless.
It isn't my fault.
It takes forever to find a way out.

Chapter Two
I walk down the street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I pretend that I don't see it.
I fall in again.
I can't believe I am in this same place.
But, it isn't my fault.
It still takes a long time to get out.

Chapter Three
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I see it is there.
I still fall's a habit...but, my eyes are open.
I know where I am.
It is my fault.
I get out immediately.

Chapter Four
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk
I walk around it.

Chapter Five
I walk down another street.

I think I'm stuck somewhere around chapter three. I keep falling into the same bad holes. I see them, but I'm just so used to them. I know it's my fault, and (if the mood strikes me) I get out immediately. I'm looking forward to moving on to chapter four.

I had a breakthrough realization this weekend. I have been punishing my body because it's not working the way I want it to. After this realization, I said to myself (almost out loud) HOW CAN YOU EXPECT YOUR BODY TO WORK THE WAY YOU WANT IT TO IF YOU'RE NOT TREATING IT RIGHT?! You can't expect a high performance machine to operate at its best if you don't fuel it right, can you?

I think maybe I need to focus less on weight and more on how I feel. Or maybe only weigh myself once a month or so. I tend to get hyper-focused on numbers, which is why Weight Watchers was successful for me the first time I tried it, IT'S ALL NUMBERS! But I tend to obsess a little if I'm not careful, so I think I'm going to back off a little. Maybe even on low-glycemic, just focus on eating healthier, even if it isn't the perfect low GI meal. Plus I think I'll feel a lot less guilty just eating better rather than eating low GI - it's so easy to slip with that type of eating. I feel like if I allow myself more stuff that's "not allowed" I'll be happier over all.

Because, as much as I'd like to lose 30 pounds, it ultimately boils down to being healthy. Being able to exercise without injuring myself, being able to go up and down stairs without feeling winded. Just being happier in my own skin.

Saturday, July 18, 2009


So I'm up another .4 pounds. I am not surprised. I sabotaged myself pretty hard yesterday. I was having one of those days where it just seems like everything that could go wrong did and I was overwhelmed with just LIFE in general and I ate two candy bars and a really carb heavy, salty dinner.

Part of me really wants to throw in the towel. I'm having a hard time with some other stuff, I can't seem to exercise without injuring myself, etc. etc.

But I'm getting ready to make a nice healthy breakfast, and maybe try a different pair of shoes and go for a short walk.

I can't let myself keep getting so discouraged, if I do this weight will NEVER come off. I have work out DVDs and I have the whole great outdoors to walk in. I CAN DO THIS!

Thursday, July 16, 2009


So remember that walk that I talked about yesterday? I was telling Mike about my walk last night, and described the route to him and asked him how far he thought I had walked. He guessed two miles and I was like "WHAT?! Shut up, there's no way that I walked two miles!" So today after work I drove the route and SON OF A GUN I WALKED TWO MILES!

I also discovered why you should not go from sedentary couch potato to two miles in bad shoes all at once. I've thrown my hip out. Yes, my hip is all weird. I'm not sure how or why but I do that when I went to go down the stairs at my office there was a shooting pain in my hip followed by a feeling of numbness down my whole leg and I almost fell. Then it happened again a few steps later. I seem to be fine on flat surface (other than a dull ache) but stairs practically kill me. There's sharp shooting pain when I climb stairs, and the shooting pain/numbness/almost falling going down. I'm not sure what to do about this. I've never had a "sports" injury. I'm a natural born klutz so I'm more likely to hurt myself cleaning the bathroom than getting a legitimate injury from activity. Obviously I am not walking tonight, and probably won't really walk very far again until I get decent shoes. What else can I do? I've taken some Aleve for the pain, but it still feels a little like my hip is out place. Help?

You're not my mother, Rod

I have a fat head. Yes, you heard me right, I have a fat head. I realized this a few minutes ago when I took my glasses off at my desk to tweeze my eyebrows (shh don't tell) and realized that the nose pads have pushed little indents into my face.

I just got these glasses in April and already my head is too fat for them.

HOWEVER - last night I went for a walk/run. I left my house at 7 with my water bottle, keys, and iPod. I walked probably about 1/8 of a mile before I decided I would at least TRY the Couch to 5k podcasts I had on my iPod. For those of you not familiar with Couch to 5k it's supposed to take you from being a couch potato to being able to run a 5k (3.1) miles in 12 weeks. The first day of the first week you walk briskly for 5 minutes, then do eight sets of run 60 seconds, walk 90 seconds. I made it through 3 sets of 60 second runs before I felt like my heart was going to come shooting out of my chest like something out of Aliens. So I slowed my pace and headed back for home. I went down a side street and chatted with a former co-worker for about 20 minutes, then left, with every intention of going home. When lo and behold I spotted walkers in front of me. And I said to myself "You know self, walking another lap isn't going to kill you." And I said "Self, you're right. Since I stopped running I feel less like death by explosion is imminent, so I'll walk a little farther." So I did. All in all I'd say I walked for about 50 minutes - well technically I guess 47 minutes and then I ran for 3 minutes. I also realized that I'm DEFINITELY going to need better shoes before I run, possibly even before I start seriously walking. My ankles were killing me and there's also a place on the side of one of my shoes that's busted out. Oops.

I also realized that showtunes with upbeat melodies make great music for me to walk to. Something about hearing showtunes make me immediately relax and hold myself in better posture. All my theatre training? Possibly. Also, singing along (in my head) is a great way to make the time pass.

As far as eating, I've been doing regretfully. Over eating, eating the wrong things, skipping meals, replacing meals with unhealthy snacks. You name it, I've been doing it. I could make a million excuses, but the fact is - it's bad to do, I know it's bad to do, and I'm doing it anyway. Now if only I could get my Mom to ground me for it, I'd be in good shape.

Monday, July 13, 2009

Fresh (fruit) start

So you see that ticker over there? With my weight? Yeah, it's higher than it was when I started. But that's alright, it's just a minor setback, right? ABSOLUTELY!

We ended up not waking Seneca Rocks this weekend. No one could/would go with me and Mike didn't want me to go by myself. We actually found out late Sunday afternoon that someone had fallen off the rocks and died Saturday. Hopefully next weekend will be less humid and busy and someone can go with me.

I'm really back in the swing of things, I feel. I'm even getting my Mom to eat this way. I made her a low glycemic breakfast and dinner on Saturday to show her how tasty and satisfying eating this way can be.

And speaking of tasty and satisfying, I just had THE MOST delicious breakfast. Two egg omelette with portobella mushrooms, cherry tomatoes, and green peppers and a tiny amount (maybe 1/8 cup) of Italian 5 cheese blend, cottage cheese with some cherry tomatoes in it and a delicious donut peach. I followed it all with a glass of OJ (which is definitely NOT low glycemic) for some vitamin C - I've been feeling a little sniffly. Lunch is going to be a yummy salad and then dinner is going to be baked chicken, veggies, and probably some strawberries. YUM! What a happy Monday for me!

Friday, July 10, 2009

Hot stuff

So I'm not doing so great. My weight is slowly creeping back up to higher than it was before I started low GI eating.

But, I am not losing my determination.

I just need to get better about putting my foot down. About saying, "No, I can't have this right now." I am my own worst enemy. I Love (with a capital L) food. Obviously. I didn't get to be this size by hating food. I am Lazy (also, with a capital L). Obviously, I didn't get to be this size by loving to move my body.

I was reading through some old journal entries from around the time that Mike and I got married. Most of you probably don't know, but my Mom had her second heart attack four months before we got married. I was reading over those entries and remembering being so scared that my Mom was going to die.

I refuse to do that to my loved ones. I will lose this weight and get healthy. Looking at my family history, it's really all I can do. There is high blood pressure, high cholesterol, heart problems, diabetes, you name it. And I can already see and feel the effects. Sometimes I get so winded that I have to gasp for air. Sometimes my chest hurts SO bad I feel like my heart is going to come shooting right out of it.

Also, a funny thing from reading those entries - I was pretty much at what my goal weight now is and still focused on losing weight. I thought I was too big. Heh, if only I could have looked into the future and seen that I would gain 30 pounds!

So tomorrow is my walk up Seneca Rocks - although I may reschedule it for Sunday since Mike said he won't go with me Saturday. Heck, maybe I'll do it both days! Okay, okay, I know THAT'S a bit of a stretch. I'm just so tired of being inactive and feeling so "bleh" all the time that I want to change everything right nownownow. But I have to realize that I am not going to go from being a size 16 to a size 8 overnight. I surely didn't go from an 8 to a 16 overnight, either!

Remember that delicious lunch I said I was going to have yesterday? Well it ended up getting pushed to dinner (again, I have trouble saying no) and it was just as delicious as I predicted. I didn't get any pictures, but let me tell you what I had.

I had a HUGE salad, so big I couldn't even finish it all. I had a handful of Dole's Field Greens mix, a couple handfuls of their Sassy Baby Blend, to that I added about half of a medium cucumber, 1/4 green bell pepper, and half a stalk of celery. I set the other half of the cucumber, the other 1/4 of the green pepper and the other half a stalk of celery on a plate and had those outside of the salad. I also added about three slices of portobella mushrooms and about 3 oz imitation crab meat. Then I added extras. I love extras on salads. I put a dash of pepper on, some Salad Supreme seasoning, a dash of bacon bits, a generous sprinkle of sesame seeds, and some Old Bay. Then I topped it off with Ginger Mango Vinaigrette salad dressing, just a tablespoon or so, and shook it all up until it was mixed up good. OH MY GOODNESS delicious. I'll likely have the same for dinner this evening. I love crab meat (especially imitation) in salads. It just adds a little extra "Oomph" to the salad. Same with portobella mushrooms.

So, the plans are:

Increase water intake
Increase activity
Increase food awareness

Maybe I'll go next door and get a big bottle of water. That sounds like just the ticket right now.

Thursday, July 9, 2009

Uh oh

So I haven't updated in almost a week. Can you guess why? That's right, I've fallen off the wagon and big time. And for me at least, it's easy to snowball out of control.

I come up with excuse after excuse as to why I just can't right now, yet still complain about the extra weight. What's up with that?

So, today it ends. I walked to work this morning. I'm going to walk home this evening. I'll walk to work tomorrow morning.

I was bad and skipped breakfast this morning (lack of time and just generally not feeling hungry) but I'm going to have an AWESOME CRAZY DELICIOUS lunch, which I may even post pictures of if I remember to take them. I'm going to have an awesome healthy dinner.

I'm going to yoga on Sunday.

And Saturday. I'm walking up this:

That's right. I'm going to walk to the observation deck on Seneca Rocks. I've done it once before when I was about 20-25 pounds lighter and in way better shape, but dagnabbit, I just really want to go up Seneca Rocks again. And they're getting ready to shut down the West Trail for almost a year, so I want to get it in while I can. I would LOVE to have company for this walk, but if no one can/will go with me, I'll just charge up my iPod and go!

See, this is what is weird about me, despite the fact that 9 times out of 10 I am a very solitary person who very much enjoys being alone, there are certain things that I really like to have company for and walking is one of them. I'm less likely to wimp out if I'm walking with someone.

I know it's going to be hard. But I also know that the view from the top is AMAZING and so so worth it. It's a very easy trail (in terms of incline) it's just LONG!

So there we have it. Walking to work for the next LONG while, walking Seneca Rocks Saturday and yoga Sunday. Hooray for getting off my big ol' tush.

Friday, July 3, 2009

Best laid plans

So I was planning on coming on here this morning and being like "You're gonna be so proud! I got up at 6:15, walked for half an hour and did Tae-Bo!" Instead, I slept in until 8:30 and still didn't want to get out of bed.

My sleep schedule is ALL out of whack. I feel really REALLY ready-to-go-to-bed tired around 6pm. But that's way too early to go to bed. But by 9pm, which is a more acceptable time to go to bed, I've hit my second wind and I'm wide awake.

Oh, and I never did grocery shop this week. Oops. Lots of good fresh foods for next week though.

One week (or a couple of weeks) does not determine my success/failure as a whole. Whether or not I ever lose this weight, I am still a wonderful person of worth.

Wednesday, July 1, 2009


This week has been AWFUL for me.

I have been backsliding left and right.

I'm tired. I'm moody. And I just don't wanna.

So instead of beating myself up over it, I'm gonna let myself have a week to feel bad and wallow in the stress and pressure I'm feeling this week at work and life in general. Then I'm going to GET OVER IT and GET BACK to being kinder to myself.

The world will not stop spinning if I don't lose any weight this week. The world will not stop spinning if I gain weight this week.

All I know is I need to be kind to me, and if that occasionally means allowing for a pity party, so be it.