Hello?

Hello? Motivation? Where are you? Please come back. I miss you!

This week was...not good, eating wise. I just can't seem to get my groove back. And the fact that Mike doesn't really eat too healthy doesn't help. I love him, but there isn't always that support at home that I need. Not that the thinks badly of what I'm doing or anything, it's just hard to eat healthy when you're the only one doing it, ya know? Plus I am COMPLETELY salad-ed out. If I never even LOOK at another salad as long as I live I'll be fine.

Why is this so hard? I know what to do, why don't I just do it?

Starting tomorrow there will be pictures. I'm going to have to be a food blogger if I'm ever going to be held accountable. Just gonna have to. And I'm hopefully going to get in a nice walk tonight. And I need to start doing my hip exercises. I think my problem is I'm feeling overwhelmed. Eat healthy, walk a mile a day, do my hip exercises, it's all too much. But I can't put any of this off any longer. I really really can't. With my family history, by living and eating the way I am, I'm playing with fire. I'm setting myself up for a heart attack at a young age just like my Mom. And I will NOT do that to the people I care about - put them through that worry and fear.

The cycle ends with me.

Do over!

So, I've reset my ticker because I am starting over.

I haven't been to a Weight Watchers meeting in almost a month. So I joined WW online today. I've done it in the past and it's MUCH easier for me to keep track if I do it online. So my weight kind of "restarted" because it wouldn't be fair to count first-thing-in-the-morning naked weight versus having-eaten-all-day fully clothed weight.

And you'll see my goal has changed a little.

I would really really like to see the 120s, just once, even if I can't maintain it. Ultimately I think I'm going to settle around 135, most likely, but just once I'd like to see 129, so I decided to make that my goal. It's well within the healthy range for my height, but of course I'll re-evaluate all along the way to see how I look and feel.

So what prompted this? I did laundry last night and the simple act of carrying a small basket of laundry up the stairs left me wheezing and gasping for air. THAT HAS GOT TO STOP. I need to get into better shape. I had planned on walking to work today, but in typical me fashion, I overslept. I am going to go on a nice long walk this evening after work though. Nice and slow to protect my hip. Which I never mentioned, but my hip is getting worse. Because I haven't been doing the work. No walking, no stretching, and my chiro's office shut down. So I'm going to have to DO THE WORK for this to happen. And I hate that. I really do. I was naturally thin for so long because I was super active, had a lightning fast metabolism, and was a picky eater. Then I realized that food was really good and stopped doing so many extracurriculars and BOOM - the weight came on. I'm pretty sure that the summer between my sophomore and junior years of high school I gained at least 30 pounds.

Hopefully tracking online will motivate me to keep up with it better. Here's hoping!

Putting it all out there

The last month or so has been a complete and total trainwreck for me. I've regained about 1/4 of all the weight I lost. I have had no desire to do anything good for myself.

THAT STOPS TODAY.

Today is the official start of OPERATION: DO IT.

I'll let you guys in on a couple secrets (hence the putting it all out there).

I suffer from a condition known as endometriosis. This was found during a surgery I had last year to remove a cyst (that turned out to be caused by the endometriosis). I consider myself VERY lucky that I don't suffer much in the way of pain. However - I have been in constant treatment for this disease for the last year. Today marks ONE MONTH of treatment left. I have ONE MORE MONTH and then I get to live somewhat normally. Now, treatment isn't horrific or anything, I'm just relieved to be almost done!

I also suffer from a much more well known condition - depression. It gets a lot worse around this time of year with the change in the weather. This is part of the reason that I have had ZERO motivation lately. I feel drained of all my energy almost all the time as it is, so it's so hard to find the energy to do the right thing for myself.

I am BACK ON THE WAGON as far as Weight Watchers goes and I'm going to start a Seinfeldian Chain as far as working out is concerned today. I am going to walk a mile every day. And I'm going to mark it on my calendar and try really hard not to let the chain break.

I have felt more capable and in control the last couple of weeks than I have since Summer probably.

And sometime soon I am either going to get a small point and shoot camera or I'm going to start carrying the Power Shot with me and photographing my food.

Hooray for motivation!

A month?

So it's been about a month.

Things...are.

I think that best sums it up.

I've gained back a little of the weight and have had absolutely no motivation to eat healthy or move in the last month.

I could give a list of excuses, but the fact is, I've just plain out lost my motivation. And I don't know how to get it back.

Whoops

So I haven't been posting here much. Mainly because I'm not really seeing the point. I have another (more private) blog that I keep that I've been writing in for almost 7 years. It's hard for me to remember this one sometimes. And there doesn't seem to be a lot of interest in this one either.

As far as health, I have been horribly slacking on my walking and my hip exercises. I came down with a nasty sinus infection and everything has fallen by the wayside. Not to mention that I am insanely busy this week with hell week for the play.

I am really going to try.

I lost .6 pounds at my last weigh-in.

I'm not sure what this week's weigh-in will be like. I was sick and ate pretty much whatever I wanted this week, but I also had a bit of tummy trouble which...ahem...flushed me out pretty good. I'm expecting a maintain or a slight gain.

I do know one thing though - I'll be very glad when this play is over and I can get my evenings back.

A new experience

This weekend I had a totally new experience.

I went grocery shopping and nearly all of what I got was organic.

I know this may sound REALLY strange to some of you - especially considering you shop and eat organically as much as possible.

I live in a teeny tiny little town in rural WV, so "organic" isn't really something that's largely available around here. But Mike and I went to Harrisonburg and decided that we would shop at Martin's which has a two aisle organic section (which also probably sounds strange to you).

See, the nearest Whole Foods is 2 hours away, and Trader Joe's? Well they only exist in California (KIDDING!)

But Mike and I had a blast getting organic food. It was pricey and there was some stuff that I really wanted to try that I just had to say no to because of the price.

Honestly though, I think I'm just excited to have food in the house. This was the first time we'd grocery shopped in probably three weeks or longer.

I had a DELICIOUS breakfast of Oikos Organic Greek Yogurt (in strawberry) and Bear Naked Granola in Triple Berry Crunch.

I think the thing I like the most about organic food is I can pronounce all the ingredients.

And I think Mike likes it, too. On the way home from the store (it's an hour away) he was talking about how we needed to get a cooler before we go next time. His only complaint? The organic vanilla yogurt we got is more sour than the Dannon Lite vanilla yogurt we used to get. I think he'll survive though ;)

Well sassafras.

I lost .2 pounds this past week. I feel disappointed. But mostly in myself. Because the words "Oreo Brownie" and "apple dumpling" may have occurred. But you know what? I think .2 is pretty good for as HORRIBLE as I ate last week. I seriously just could not bring myself to put healthy food in me.

Although I did bring myself to get a GOOD pair of chiropractor recommended shoes:These puppies are on my feet most days. And when they aren't, a pair of good, sensible Dr. Scholl's are. I'm not taking any chances on this hip o' mine. Despite the fact that I've horribly slacked on my hip exercises. I'm always "too tired" or "I don't feel like it". SERIOUSLY SELF? These exercises take like 10 minutes to do and I'm wussing out on them? However, my goal for the month of September is to NOT MISS A SINGLE DAY OF HIP EXERCISES.

Another thing my chiro wants to me to start doing to help rehab my hip is walking. It was originally a mile every other day but he recently bumped me up to a mile a day. I walked last night and I'm a little ashamed to admit that it took me half an hour to walk a mile. But then I remembered - I'm not training for a race (yet), I'm rehabbing my hip. Better to be slow, steady, and sure of my steps than to fall down and reinjure myself. In fact, today was the first day my hip has hurt in a while. I'm not having "episodes", it just aches. I think it might be the cold weather setting in.

One more thing I picked up in addition to the snazzy new shoes was a pedometer. Just a cheapy little $5 one from Wal-Mart, but it tells me that from my house to the speed limit sign near the high school and back is 1.11 miles so that's the route I'm walking.

I was also recently informed by Mike that my small little point and shoot camera WAS NOT SOLD as I had previously thought, so if it still works I may venture into the world of being a food blogger!

4th weigh in

So I'm down another .6 of a pound. Which would have depressed me, except I heartily enjoyed myself this weekend at Kat's wedding so I'm completely amazed! I was expecting a maintain or slight gain, so the fact that I still lost is AWESOME!

3rd weigh in

I had my fourth weigh-in overall and my third weigh-in actually on program on Tuesday.

I lost 4.4 pounds in a week!

Now, I know some are thinking that that isn't healthy and I would agree that if I was continuously losing that much weight every week it would be cause for alarm. However, that loss followed a 1.2 pound gain and also my time of the month which means that it was likely all water weight. I have really been chugging the h20 lately.

This week has been SUPER busy for me. Work has been a little nutso because of an upcoming festival. I had Treasure Mountain Festival Assoc on Monday that I ended up skipping because I was sick. Then Tuesday I had my WW meeting. Last night was play practice, tonight it's home after work for a quick nail appointment then another round of play practice, then I'm leaving around 2pm tomorrow for Kat's wedding! Whew! As much as I like being involved in community theater, I'll be really glad when Christmas Belles is over - I don't like being this busy. Although maybe I will grow to love it?

I can't remember if I've mentioned it or not, but I've started to see a chiropractor for my hip/back trouble. Things are going swimmingly there and my hip feels SO much better already. I saw him yesterday and he gave me exercises to do to help strengthen my hip and my core which he said will speed up my healing. I never thought I would say this, but I can't wait until I get cleared for regular exercise again. I really want to get into the habit of taking walks and eventually start running. But before I do any of that, I need good shoes. Even the chiro thinks that some of my hip/back pain may be a result of improper support from my shoes! And I'm not going to lie - since hurting myself I'm scared to walk.

I'm honestly starting to feel so much better about myself overall - I've noticed that my skin problems don't bother me as much as they used to - really none of the flaws that I used to zero in on bother me as much as they used to. I'm thinking it's a combo of the weight I've lost and the fact that I'm just genuinely making steps towards taking care of myself.

And so I have not updated in over 3 weeks. I hate it, but I kinda feel like there is no point. I'm doing my thing on Weight Watchers, tracking my points, etc. If I had a slim little purse size point and shoot camera I'd do pictures of everything I ate, but I don't. I have a Canon Powershot that I really don't feel like lugging with me everywhere. And I just don't feel like doing food logs. I've done them in the past and... I don't know... I feel like they just aren't very interesting on their own. I will admit, I have been kinda pushing Mike for a nice little point and shoot camera for me. Although he talks about selling the Powershot if we do that, and that Powershot was his first baby, I'd hate to feel responsible for him getting rid of it. I do have a camera on my cell phone, but it's not very good quality.

As far as WW goes, I lost 2 pounds my first week then gained 1.2 pounds the second week, so I am only down .8 overall. Although I have a feeling tonight's weigh-in will be very good because I've been tracking EVERYTHING this week and I haven't been overly restrictive.