Almost a month

Has it really been almost a month?

Seems hard to believe. The weight is down some, but not much. I'm amazed it's down at all since I haven't really been doing anything - not really eating right, not exercising, nothing.

Hopefully that will change, but I can't make any promises. I've been pretty down lately and I'm desperately clawing my way back up, or at least trying to.

Pictures!

So my good friend Holly said that she DID want to see pictures and that she DOES read, she just can't comment from her phone.

So here's some pictures!



This was dinner last night - an Arnold's Sandwich thin with Spicy Three Pepper hummus, melted mild cheddar, black forest ham, and portabella mushrooms, radishes, carrots, Wheat Thins Fiber selects, and....



Soup! Healthy Choice Country Vegetable to be precise.

All washed down with a class of cranberry pomegrante juice



Breakfast this morning was a good ol' standby - cereal!



Sorry the photo is so dark! I am definitely not a photographer. This was Barbara's Bakery brand Shredded Oats (vanilla and almond flavor) with a banana and some raspberries and a sprinkle of Splenda for good measure.

There probably won't be pictures of lunch since I'm eating out and I don't want to be known as "The Weird Girl Who Takes Pictures of Her Food" - especially since I live in a town of less than 1,000 people!

Failure

So all that stuff that I said was going to happen yesterday? So did not happen. I feel like a failure. A failure at tracking what I eat, a failure at taking pictures of what I eat, a failure at trying to be more active. I have SO many great plans for myself but they never happen. Why? Why am I not making myself and my health a priority? Why am I saying "It's okay, I'll just have *insert junk food here* for dinner," instead of cooking myself (and Mike when he's home) a healthy nutritious meal? I really admire those people who seem to have it all together. They are amazing at their jobs, then come home and cook amazing food and exercise, and keep their house neat.

I used to think that putting this stuff in writing would keep me accountable, but it's not. Because no one is reading this (or at least, if they are, they aren't leaving comments) so I'm just putting it out there for WHOEVER to read. I have zero accountability. My husband loves me just the way I am, so he's not pushing for me to lose this weight, even though I'm not healthy right now.

I feel like I need a kick in the pants or this is never going to happen.

Gain

So I gained a pound this last week. I'm not terribly surprised. I wasn't tracking, wasn't watching portions, wasn't really doing ANYTHING.

But I've kicked this week off right! And I'll have pictures of my food soon to show you! And then I'm going grocery shopping and walking this evening. Hopefully I stay feeling a little better today. Yesterday I was congested and coughing and just felt icky. So far I feel alright though.

I've had a busy morning, meetings, working on reports.

And of course, in typical "me" fashion, I slept in later than I should have. I screeched out of bed at 8:23 this morning, and I had a meeting at nine. Thankfully I'm such an old hand at this that I was ready to head out the door at 8:46. Of course, I paused to eat a quick breakfast, but I still made my meeting on-time (maybe a few minutes late).

Today is going to be a good day, I can feel it.

Hello?

Hello? Motivation? Where are you? Please come back. I miss you!

This week was...not good, eating wise. I just can't seem to get my groove back. And the fact that Mike doesn't really eat too healthy doesn't help. I love him, but there isn't always that support at home that I need. Not that the thinks badly of what I'm doing or anything, it's just hard to eat healthy when you're the only one doing it, ya know? Plus I am COMPLETELY salad-ed out. If I never even LOOK at another salad as long as I live I'll be fine.

Why is this so hard? I know what to do, why don't I just do it?

Starting tomorrow there will be pictures. I'm going to have to be a food blogger if I'm ever going to be held accountable. Just gonna have to. And I'm hopefully going to get in a nice walk tonight. And I need to start doing my hip exercises. I think my problem is I'm feeling overwhelmed. Eat healthy, walk a mile a day, do my hip exercises, it's all too much. But I can't put any of this off any longer. I really really can't. With my family history, by living and eating the way I am, I'm playing with fire. I'm setting myself up for a heart attack at a young age just like my Mom. And I will NOT do that to the people I care about - put them through that worry and fear.

The cycle ends with me.